kthxrawr

conversations in song lyrics are so awesome.

I am seriously emo facing here. I am. I am severely confused and a little scared and a lot unhappy.
I'd. I'd just like some happy making thoughts.
[and for someone to tell me it's all okay, and I'm not fucking up, and to try and understand why I'm like this.]

take my brain, a band [or two], a cracked out manga involving robots, the phrase 'starving artist', 'One Day, Robots Will Cry - and what do you get.
[one person already knows.]
I have the best worst ideas.

I'm just out of sorts.

an easy way to tell if I'm kind of depressed. have I brought stationary lately?
I buy pens when I'm sad. yay, highlighters.

Christmas is in January. I can't really afford presents right now, so expect things then. ♥

-

come on, take this gasoline tin, head up high - walk like a winner. let the bare feet be the last sounds that they hear.

ugh, one of my friends is pissing me off.
okay, so last year - I spent a lot of time in lectures with Jonny, John and Mark since we had a few more lectures together than I did with Keith. so we'd end up sitting around and eating lunch too. and I know they can be kind of bitchy. but to be honest, they're like that with everyone. but they don't like Keith so much.
towards the end of the year, we started talking to a couple of other guys - Mel and Paul - who are okay, even if Paul is a little creepy.
and now this year - I have one lecture with Keith, Mel and Paul, who have more lectures together that I don't have. I wouldn't mind if it didn't coincide with Keith start acting like a bitch. leaving bitchy anonymous comments on facebook calling me 'a wannabe emo' [there are so many levels of wtf to that]. clearing rubbish off a table and someone says 'oh. just chuck it all over there.' and he says 'and her too?'

maybe I'm being oversensitive.

the emo thing. I don't know. it's the wannabe part of it. I am not ashamed to say I like what is classed by most people as emo music. [genre debate another day plz.] I kind of like some of the emo fashions, but not necessarily on myself. the whole androgynous scene kid thing - yeah, I think that's kind of fucking cool, to be honest. I kind of wish I could get away with it. I call myself the happiest emo. it's a joke. I don't mind people saying I'm an emo.
but, like I said, it's the wannabe thing that gets me. the implication that I'm a failure at being an emo.

[waw waw wa~w]

[appropriate icon? keywords: hate is a strong word but- i really really really don't like you.]

-

in other news, worlds are interconnected, fencing is made of misheard phrases and I am permanently about ten minutes behind everyone else.
I've had my first two labs of the year, and they went okay. even if one of them I had someone who did the course last year helping me. ahaha.

oh my god, I'm so fucking bored. yeah, I'm totally emofacing.

random points - when the lift gets to my floor, it tells me we're at the second basement. what.
- been watching many things. Lucky Number Slevin, Run Fatboy Run, Shaun of the Dead, and half of a Hornblower episode before I fell asleep on Katie's sofa. [in my defence, this was about 4am.] and also, Beck. because it's the only anime I have.
- uni seems to be okay. as in, like, 4 year course. no resits. huh.
- I've left my library cards at home. oops. no books for me.
- I'm stealing the unis internet. but I'm bored. :[
- seriously. BORED.
- I keep having moments of random nostalgia. since I have my old computer with me, I keep digging around my old files. like, old photos I took. me with my shitty blue hair. [oh god, the colour looked awful half faded.] I'm half temptd to put photos up to show how little I've changed.

in a bit, I'm gonna go buy some caffiene, and maybe go and clean my room. or go sleep.

eta: dear god, pictures of walls is the best website ever for cheering myself up.

I don't want to try and get through my friends page. D:

um. I mean, HI. I'm in Manchester, it's awesome and I don't have the internet. until monday. let me tell you, my face is emo.
considering I've only been back since Saturtday afternoon, I've actually soon a whole load of people. went to Bob, Steve and Dave's housewarming and saw most of mujs [and some pirate porn, omgwtfbbqDONOTWANT] and saw Sophie yesterday and went over to her house. she lives with Katie, Jade and Chloe. so we watched some dvds [including Lucky Number Slevin, which is awesome.] the only problems are that I'm not eating properly, I have no idea about my flatmates, and the no internet. we're in the Whitworth cluster at the moment, but I might see how much my main building is open.

so hi hi. how are you?

I really don't understand this, lately I just feel really happy. although this is the day after I realised I have an honest-to-god emo fringe when I straighten my hair.
[it might have something to do with Ryan Ross. his happy face makes me happy.]

but oh god, at least two people last weekend thought I was 17. bwaha. [and a 17 year old looked 19, and a 13 year old looked 21.]

I'm also loving brand new far, far too much.

and the puppies [are almost no longer puppies] ate my parents' wedding photos.

I still feel kind of gleeful. I'm also making lists, and this is never a good thing.
- another pair of jeans. ugh, I adore these jeans. they're just the right amount of baggy and wahed out and pink and green.
- band t-shirts. I've been eyeing up some Brand New ones.
- a new wallet. preferably a smaller one.
- more MAC makeup. I'm turning into one of those girls who buys expensive makeup.
- a sports bra. for me and Dory plan to go fencing. I mean, man, you totally needed to know that.
the only problem is, I have no idea when my loan is coming in. hay government, I want my free moneh.

I have a feeling there's some dinner I'm meant to be cooking.

I swear, I never used to worry this much.
it's all 'don't take any clothes you won't want ruined, that you wouldn't mind loosing' but at the same time I want to wear clothes I like. and considering I'm essentially going from Wednesday until Monday.
I think I'm just going to look at Primark tomorrow.

I'm just getting stuck on the small details right now. I don't have to sort out the bigger things, so it really doesn't make any sense. I just want to sleep lots right now.

[Becky! I'm sorry, I enjoy whining. we will have an awesome time when we finally get there.]

-

saw Ellie yesterday [she will always be my favourite] and we did, um, not very much.
she says, it's not rape if you yell surpise. [what. what.]

Nyeh. so there's things that aren't that good, which really aren't anyone's faults, but yeah, are not happy making. like the kerfuffle of who was where to get the train home [I said 'ugh, I'm already at the train station!' and left them] and then news that ebay sellers are jackasses. so Reading may be no go. but maybe Becky's awesome ebay skillz will come through? I'm a little apathetic either way right now, because I'm fucking tired.

Ame. well, huh. all the events of the last four hours [apart from porn on the train] have killed my enthusiasm to talk about it.

[i wanted to be able to say 'this was the best weekend ever.' i sang 'two more weeks' on the train, and yeah. my hopes aren't too high.]

I feel so tired of being nice. which sounds really fucked up, I know.

I've spent the weekend with my brother sniping at me with things like how much he's earning, how he's trustworthy and how intellectual and grown up he is. I mean, of course, totally mature for the person who spent all morning sitting on the sofa watching television while my mother was at work, my dad was ill and I was cleaning the house. I try and be nice, but obviously, I'm just not worth being nice to, right?
I never said I was mature, I just don't pretend I am.

if plans fall through, what else can you do apart from shrug and move on? things have a habit of doing that lately, and it almost feels like I should stop putting my faith in these things.
I don't want to go back to mistrusting everybody [new] that I know. when people say 'let's do this' and actually follow through, it's something that means a lot to me. I'm still partially convinced I'll get back to uni and be in the same situation as last year.

I'd show my heart to anyone who ever gave me five minutes of their time.

I'm just tired of biting my lip.


I'm also really hungry.

there are things I am not so happy about right now.

I trod on a drawing pin yesterday morning, and fuck, it hurts. Also, same foot that I cut when I trod on a contact lens case. Possibly same foot involved in the whole repeatedly stepping on a plug situation. [apparently, if it keeps hurting, I'll have to go to a+e. awesome. not.]
I missed my contact lens appointment yesterday morning, which means I'm kind of out of lenses.
Exam results come out sometime in the next week and I am shitting myself. I am not looking forward to this. like, seriously, fuck.
My puppies are all morose since they've just had an op and I swear, my mother is more upset than they are. [there will be no puppy babies, let's leave it at that.]

However, I shall be off to good old Manchester this weekend to annoy Alan and Sophie. Which shall be interesting. If I could only solve my food problem.

I have spent most of today with my mother discussing fanfiction and watching Firefly. [and spotting interesting things in the background! example - there's a 8 segment display in the infirmary that says 'error' and in Trash, there's a screen that has windows on. THEY STILL HAVE WINDOWS. IN THIS SUPER HIGH TECH PLACE.] We did try and go riding, but after I'd gotten Banner nice and clean, we noticed that he didn't have a shoe. that had been put on on Tuesday. Because he believes he is two and likes running around in the field.

I have a strange desire for blonde hair, help.

things that are good:
+ friends!
+ trying to ask if someone knows what I mean without telling them exactly what I'm talking about, thus negating the need to ask
+ pokemon - ahaha, what?
+ bandom ♥
- ...cults!
+ pirates!
+ noodles!
+ twisting sweet songs into something really creepy
+ knowing I have no exams until next friday! meaning I have time to revise and clean my room
+ music
+ chocolate milk
+ really good, expensive take away sushi
+ seeing people again!
+ finally having found some skin lightening cream

things that are not good:
- exams, and we will talk no further of this.
- anyone remember that stress based illness I used to have? the one where I used to make myself sick a lot? it's quite possibly back.
- sore throats
- knowing I have to revise and clean my room
- my brain in general
- ...seeing people again?
- finding out the skin lightening cream is only available at the Trafford Centre store

things that I am unsure about:
~ I go home in three weeks.
~ the fact I appear to be lacking in capital letters.

...how about you?

but to paraphrase a cat macro, it is tiem for sleepie.

Okay, shopping for clothes sucks. I do have a pair of jeans that was a) cheap and b) fits perfectly, but... yeah.
Kick boxing time!

Gets - Primark jeans, that are actually gorgeous and have pockets and are not skinny jeans. As I already said, they fit nicely. I love baggy jeans. Although they are somewhat lacking with pockets - going from combat jeans with hundreds of pockets makes me sad.
Animal tops~ Okay, I'll admit it. I have an addiction to Animal tops. But there's a light green one [with a camper van on the front, I am so cool, not] and a black and pink one.
Jewellery! Brought some cheap lame earrings [which I may or may not be allergic to, but the pretty wins] and a shell necklace.
Make up, for I am a make up whore. Seriously. I have brought about three different eyeliners in the last few weeks. Why do I need blue eyeliner? Answers on a postcard.

Ugh, seriously, I am not wanting to go to uni! Plus the sunlight is kind of blinding.
I like procrastination, and I hate C.

I also kinda need to tidy up. Already.

I cannot wait until Pokemon. For serious.

"We all have things about our friends that make us slightly envious. Not in a bad way, but in a 'WOW! I wish I had that person's hair/eyes/money/relationship/toenails/whatever!' So tell me what about me makes you envy me... then post this in your LJ and see what makes me envious of you."

[okay, go on, who's going to the predictable thing and say 'your chest'?]

[edit: most useful hour in uni ever. I got halfway there and stopped to talk to one of my group members for an hour.]

Today - good or bad?

The only other girl in the group got painfully, horrifically drunk and ended up having to be rescued from the toilets.

People petting my hair and spilling beer all over me - these are not things I find attractive, ok? I don't like beer, but hey, you can drink what you want. Just don't spill it on me. Repeatedly. I will snark. Also, keep off the hair. Hair petting is reserved for people who I am super comfortable with. I am friendly and yay, but drunk friends stroking my hair. No. [I have less of a problem with this with people I've known for longer, or people outside of uni. But still.] Also, saying how you'd 'like to see [me] bladdered' is creepy. I don't like getting drunk. I really don't like drinking much anymore.

Getting an invitation to go to Jilly's, and my phone dying before I could find out where they were.

Amusing points - a guy with skinny-ish jeans with a lot of [ugly D:] boxer showing. Um... yeah. It was okay, but... really not my music. Give me rock, give me alternative, give me indie, give me pop-punk to a certain extent. Give me things I like to dance to.

...give me a break.

So, yeah, shuraiya asked the other day if I'd seen the trailer for the new Panic video. So, I went to go see it.
what the fuck.
Hopefully the entire video won't be like that. Because it makes me giggle in the 'this video is actually kinda of seriously weird.' [For kicks, the new Cute Is What We Aim For video did that as well, but not as bad because, hello? Mime-sex?] It just makes me disappointed, because I watched the Lying video right after, which is actually kinda cool. And then the vid for Saturday. [because everyone needs pete wentz as a serial killer, right? right.] But yeah. I am not liking the porn. Especially masquerading as a music video.

Sundays are such... slow days. Honestly, I never get any work done on a Sunday. I don't even write fic. It's just a bit like I've hit a dead end, or a wall, or something.

eleclya_m, you going to indie tomorrow?

someone help me find some inspiration.

There's a meet type thing in Manchester on Saturday, arranged by pawsaldo :0 Come to Manchester! We have lions.

It seems every time I break up with someone, I lose something. Something completely unrelated. I lost the shirt I came home in. My room ate it.

My self esteem also isn't faring too well. I'm looking into a group, but have a sinking feeling I'll end up doing stuff in the gap. Which would suck. I don't know. Try harder this term, rinse and repeat.

However, today was kind of fun. Ended up sitting with an almost totally new group of people in lectures, and ended up having a small group go to the refectory place, where I got undercharged. Even after I pointed it out. I'm not complaining. But, I swear, I haven't seen half of them before. Ah, the joy of being a repeating second year.

Also, please. Convince me if Battlestar Galatica is worth the boxset.

This is a failure of a New Year's post. Since I'm ill. :3 Yays! Seriously, I'm so tired.
Gonna head off to Ellie's in a bit, but come here for sleeping. =_= Sleep sleep sleep.

Isn't Sakura cute?

( musings on return of the king )

===

I didn't get my shoes. Or my pillow. I did get two tshirts, a bag and a belt from Animal though, and the rest got used for food yesterday. Oops, haha. Very nice stuff though. I still have to buy amazon things too.
Yesterday was a fairly regular day actually. Ellie phoned up Kyle though, so we're going to invade. >D Also saw a Wii being played, and I'm sure lots of amusing things were said but I can't remember any of them.
Today I stole music off my brother. Entire back collection of BNL? Yes plz.

CLAMP Kiseki has cute pictures. GIP. I've never even read Clover, it just turned out really nice.

I am feeling stranger and stranger, mentally and perhaps physically.

My dreams freak me out. I was feeling somewhat weird last night as it was, but now... Kablooey! I hate my head going kablooey. :| So I'm tired and my head is being screwy, I so don't want this right now. But who ever does? Also, why can I never sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend? :|

The java is done! DEFEATED! So yeah, we have a nice nifty casino game that takes all your money. Repeatedly. :3 Alas, if only it was real money. However, since yesterday was Friday 8th December - Signals [ughhh], Digital System Design and Maths are also done. Wait, does that mean Sarri only has two reports left to do this term? Yes it does. :3 Admittedly, one of them is the team project, but it's one credit. It's all looking up now, boys and girls, the end of term is in sight. And my parents should be ordering my camera. :3 Uh wow, anything ordered in the last two years off Amazon has been mine. Wins. For I am brat, hear me rawr.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were spent mostly in computer labs. Wednesday night did have an interlude of Nandos - heaven in chicken form before heading off to the 24 hour cluster. And Thursday night I slept too much. And Friday was just a rush. :| Stressful, but, tis over. Also, you have to love my department's organisation. Second years had 3 computer based courseworks to hand in yesterday... so they close our main lab from 12.30 till 5. And also, take down our intranet with our notes. Well done, EEE. :D But at least you paid me. Although Sainsburys gave me too much change. But after I handed everything in ♥ went straight to Greggs for cakes... Oversleeping + deadlines - money = no food. XD Me and Steve did go to mujs, but Akira sent me to sleep. I'd've liked to stay for FLCL but oh wells~ All their events are even when I have no money or when I'm... at home. D: Did talk to Potato and Lizzy a bit cause we turned up early, which was cool. I dither with my social groups. :/
So today has been a nice lazy day - net and no work is the way life should be. Tomorrow I might actually look at my Microelectronic Components [don't my module names sound so... geeky? xP]

So, by this time tomorrow next week, I'll be home. Christmas always does seem so long, but I'm looking forward to going back. I get to see my friends, the puppies, and of course, my favourite ball of fluff - Banner :D I'm going to miss Steve, but I don't want it to be that big of a deal - i.e. getting uber mopey and emo. Also, I need to revise like hell. I'm also kinda looking forward to my presents. My camera too, since it's not technically a present. But we have to 'negotiate' on when I get it, even though I should be able to pay for it myself. [So! Expect photo spams soon. I forsee my birthday present might be a memory card.] But otherwise, I'm getting money mostly off relatives, and going shopping with my grandma too. There's been some t-shirts I've been eyeing up online... So obviously, I will need more trousers too. Also really looking forward to Steve's present, the plushies will finally be mine...
Talking of Christmas presents~ basically, I'm going to have to buy my presents after my loan comes in, and I shall distribute presents as and when I see you. Unless you're Neko, then it's Toko!Christmas all the way.

Where did everyone get the idea that I am cute? >|
Answers on a postcard.

Today it is all over. Today it ends. I have been waiting for this day for a long while.
That sounds so emo. Basically, this is our major deadline. ^^;
..Also, late, why did I sleep for 9 hours?

Electronic Systems Engineering makes me bipolar. \o/

In other words, time for the pub!

...Okay, I love emo face too much. And this song.

public int deal () {
Random random = new Random();
int currentCard = random.nextInt(52);
Card cardFace = Deck.getCard(currentCard);
addCard(cardFace);
return currentCard;
}

See? It'd make anyone go mad. ...Hey, wait, that should be void. @_@

[This entry began at 10am. I procrastinate on procrastinating.]
asdkj. Tireds.

But, what's that you say? Aren't you meant to be in Scotland?
...I left the con early. I really didn't want to, but in a way, I did. My bed + boyfriend + being able to do my work = better than con? Sanj's floor isn't that comfortable, heh. And at least this way I can have a day of hitting java with a stick without being 'omg streesssss' tonight. It felt like Sunday yesterday anyway.
I left my heart in Scotland. Emo face. I'm also getting the 'zomg teeth' feeling, which means maybe my wisdom teeth are finally coming through?

So, the con. It seemed... empty. Was super cool to see everyone, and I made Steve happy with his poster. I love Neko lots, and I love Iso on days that end with e. Pinali is great fun on train journeys, and Monopoly kills my phone dead. Loui's hair is awesome, and mujs people scare me. Tegan and Jordan are several kinds of awesome but they knew that already, right? And I enjoy pulling scary faces at Eli.

[I'm seeing how many people are fooled by my 'in Scotland really' name. Heh.] [Curses! I was foiled! At... like 5pm, I've been back since yesterday.]

Now is the ever perplexing question of - when do I go home? Heh. It will all depend on if the uni ever pays me - if they do, I have £30 worth of food + what money I actually have. Which isn't that much, but it's enough. And plus can't really see Steve much over the actual break, so proper time with him would be cool. I'm a sap, sue me. I'll talk to my dad tomorrow, he's giving me my blankie and my advent calender.

And guess what! Soon! It will be mine. All mine, my precious. I have wantes this so long. Emo face. And also, I'm eyeing up those Snow Patrol shirts too. Heh.

...Okay. Today wasn't too productful, but I'm kinda glad I did come home, I guess. *shuns you all*