kthxrawr

last night, I was feeling really worried about my exam - more specifically, oversleeping and missing the exam, since it's been a long time since I've had a morning exam.

so of course, I woke up somewhere around 4, and have been awake since. so those 5 alarms I set? kind of useless. well, in 5 hours, this one at least, will be all over.
at least showers make me feel more human.

now time for last minute revision!

[it's still dark out. come back, summer!]

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people should come to manchester soon.

urgh. *wretchface* revision. but good luck to any of you who have exams right now! which probably isn't many. you weird people with your December exams.
my notes currently include words like dominant, victim and BILBO.

I am amassing a long list of fic to write. this isn't good.

Lush do the best face cleaners ever. it tastes of salt and fruit, which is rather unpleasant. for once, I didn't mean to try it though. which is unusual.

I'm just so... tired, I guess. I'm sleeping lots, just tired. I can't wait for these two weeks to be over.
...I'm also a little worried? okay, a lot worried.

I need to sort out if I'm going to London and things like that. I really do want to, though. fun things? yes plz. ZOO? even more yes plz.

I hate my shitty memory combined with alcohol. went out with Katie, Max and Andrew on Wednesday and many hilarious things were said. however, all I remember is Max yelling 'you're a fag' through the wall and Andrew inappropriately dancing at Max's back. while Max was, um, otherwise occupied. good times, good times. also, never put make up on without checking what the weather outside is like. ahaha, drowned rat look is so in.
I also need new converse. like, yesterday. hopefully I'll see Emmy soon, but thinking of buying some red cons as well. or green.

also, HAY. five months till I'm 21. awesome.

so, the nightmare_xmas reveal! ♥
[my fic is now over at premixed if you fancy reading.]

also did another quick friendslist trim. sigh. people keep abandoning lj.

revision makes my head implode.

last weeks are always hectic. more like, totally stress.

I went out and treated myself to my favourite drink ever [cream based java chocolate chip frappuccino with a shot of espresso and a shot of peppermint = bliss, okay?] and a magazine. so now I have a calendar with Gerard Way's creepy face on it. awesome, y/y?

Christmas shopping has been done - for myself. my parents were just basically like 'well, here's the amazon account. you can spend this much money.' I was going to get a ds lite, but I may as well wait until my birthday - everywhere was sold out. duh, I guess. so, included in my list of things is Supernatural, House, Zelda and a few cds. and the rest will go towards going shopping with my grandma. squee, we're taking my cousin as well this year - a semi-emo-ish 15 year old. ahah, he's one of my favourites.

going home pretty soon. Saturday, to be precise. so hey, who is actually still around Birmingham? I'll chase up people at some point soon.

uni wise. um. I'm still a terminal slacker, you know. but I had my project meeting today and I was reassured on a number of counts:
- that I appear to have made some progress.
- that the one idea I have is a good one, and I should concentrate on that one.
- that my supervisor is going to be marking it, ahaha.
- and the best part - it's going to be used in lectures.
quick fyi: my third year project is to design a demonstration for a first year electromagnetics class. it's something... practical! in my second year, we made this weather station thing that, as soon as we'd finished it and got it marked, was wiped clean and disassembled so the next year along could use the same components. but this is something that I can design and it will be made and will actually be useful! oh god, you guys don't know how much that means to me.
so if I start raving about magnets any time soon, just tolerate me, k? ahaha.

Hi Adam. Am I doing it wrong?
If you're asking about life then yes. Completely.

...I always knew there was a reason I liked Rock Sound.

Hellogoodbye tomorrow. been listening to the support acts. that's... uh, that's different.

oh man, amusement.

Sarri: ':D :D :D *prepares to write super emo entry*'
guy from class: *sits down next to her* 'so, hey about this lab...'

I forgive him, because his hair is pretty like a girl.
I have a thing about hair. fluffy and straightened? yesplz. I would like to pet it.
but I'm just the kind of weird, possibly slightly standoffish girl who he just has classes with.

it amuses me that he's the second guy with nice hair that I've noticed in my lectures. there's a second year in one of my classes who dyes his hair pink and red. oh man, it's awesome.

I feel like dying my hair something bright.

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also, someone please save me. I don't want to watch SGA, do I? do I?
I keep having brief flings with tv shows. see, Lost, Heroes, Supernatural, Veronica Mars, House. see Scrubs.

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I saw a video of Brand New at Reading. swear to god, the camera must have been right by me. playing 'you won't know', watching the crowd go mad.

I never wrote about that, but - oh god, it was awesome. couldn't move, crammed up by the front. I didn't know half the words but I knew the songs well enough. singing 'you won't know' over and over into the guitar.

oh, I want to be back there. I've got the gig bug. I know I say I hate the crowds, but there's some kind of electricity that's just... just awesome.
I have a list of bands I would kill to see again. since I've seen almost every band I wanted to see this year.

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my apathy almost overwhelms me sometimes.

( song title meme a.k.a. winamp is on crack part 3523 )

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( lyric meme )

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I have emo flu. seriously, I was trying to kill myself through coughing, and Alex handed me a piece of paper saying 'emo flu'. it was amusing.

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*implode* 4x exp on maple.

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[hey you beauty supreme, yeah, you were right about me.]

mm, passing out on other people's sofas! it's crazy how much time I spend there. but we're talking about plans for next year. I'm going to be living with people I know! more precisely, boonehwabbit, eleclya_m, individual_68 and mrs_jack_turner! ¦3
you have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this. although it makes people go 'hey, you have friends now'.

we watched the 3rd and 4th Harry Potter movies - in which I giggled, talked too much and made many comments about David Tennant's tongue. tried to watch Dogma after, but I feel asleep pretty soon into it. damn the whole needing sleep thing.

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at 11.11, what do you wish for?
it's easier to wish for happiness than something specific, because happiness covers all the bases. it's more likely to come true.
I'd find a star for you if you asked. but the impossible is easier [to get] [to understand] than you.

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amusing moments from my lecture.
there's a guy who keeps dying his hair pink and purple! it's just- pink and purple! *flail* unfortunately, he's a second year so I don't actually know him. [flailing is totally a coping method.]
the lecturer bitching about windows, and then saying 'I sound like a crazy Mac fan. ...uh, there aren't any of those here, right?'
talking about wireless security... in parts of cars. because how everything is getting all high tech and stuff - 'in your life time, there will probably be a murder inquiry where someone's anti-lock braking system has been hacked into.'

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oh my god, fucking hilarity. Monday, I had to go to Waterstones to buy Katie a new copy of her book [exploding orange juice incidents] and was browsing around the fantasy section and thought 'hey, I wonder if the new Temeraire/His Majesty's Dragon book has been released', and there it was, in hardcover. I find it hard to resist shiny books.
turns out. it was released November 5th. the day I went in, by complete coincidence.

but yeah. dragons! alternate history! go read! it's one of the best books I've read.

Monday was also my day of retail therapy. I'm really awful with my money, so any Christmas presents will be in January. but I say this every year.

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oh god, oh god, LESS THAN A WEEK. judging from two set lists so far, they might play Headfirst for Halos, which would be so awesome. I'm kind of spazzing out.
the_sell_out, did you get the message I sent you?

it's getting the point where I'm all 'hey guess what I'm doing next week? :D :D :D' and everyone is 'yeah, we know already.'

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also, I got killed. *sad face*

psa: if I'm sitting in a computer lab with a programming assignment handout, programming up on my screen and my headphones in - this kind of implies I don't want to talk to you. especially if you're not actually, you know, doing this class.
[okay, so my music is as low as it will go, that makes no difference. he came up and was 'hi 8D' and I was just 'uhh... yeah. working.']

today has been bad day so far - woke up at 11 when my lectures are at 9, 10 and 11 respectively. the 11 one was cancelled. and there's the whole matter of this programming assignment. I think I'll be in the lbas for a few afternoons.
also, I need to do research and start my nightmare_xmas assignment.

but bumped's wolf game has started ¦3 this should be... interesting.

I like annotating my notes in pink fineliners. I don't know, it's just all the electronics stuff - but with pink writing! it cracks me up, okay?

also, you guys rock for answering my elf question, ahaha.

eta: my program is spitting out random errors at me. not happy.

eta2: WAIT THAT WAS EASY. however, I'm like, a week behind. I have bad work ethics. true story, i keep compiling the program to check it works, despite having changed nothing.
OKAY I'LL SHUT UP ABOUT JAVA NOW. TELL ME WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, FLIST. PLEASE.

things I believe in.
- friends.
- music.
- not making blanket statements or judgements based on things like music. like what you will. I don't mind if you like what I listen to, but- just stop it.
- the heart's capacity for love. I've been there, crying myself to sleep and feeling sick that someone doesn't love me anymore. but we all move on. we don't stay stuck forever.
- that even when you [i] hit the floor, someone will always be there.
- and that things get better.

[- that old school mychem will never not crack me the fuck up.]

[less than two weeks.]

this was going to be longer and emoer, more about lapsed religion and judgement, and then maybe some cryptic statements on the past, and how people see me, what they know about versus what I know.
but like I said, that would be emo.

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I feel like I need to sleep for a week. but I only have the one lecture tomorrow, and then Halloween costume shopping.
...I know Halloween is today. but the party is Saturday.
I could pretty much pass as a zombie. I am pretty much that tired. no idea how I'm going to make it through the movie screenings tomorrow and the party Saturday.
also, I'm out of alcohol. to take chocolate milk and Baileys or coke and jd. questions questions.

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awesome link of the day. The Machine is Us/ing Us. from a set of videos from an anthropology class about the effects of digital media. it's interesting, for sure.

writing about victims and attackers in the context of electronic engineering is fun.

it's just a matter of sounding like you know what you're on about.

I think.

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in other news, actually going shopping for a costume on thursday!

no idea if I'm going to go fencing, I do feel rather shitty. I can't hear very well at the best of times.

THE REAL, PROPER, ACTUAL MANCHESTER MEET.

[oh hay, did you get that. we're giving you advance notice.]

17th November! 10am - 11am [but we'll wait if you're later ¦3] at Piccadily station.
as regards to crash space - I have room for about 3 people, but we'll sort that later.
[confirmed]: kthxrawr, kiraras_lemon, onsentamago, minako_nine, pawsaldo
[pending]: tarnia, miss_lon, loki128

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I shouldn't really update in the middle of my lab, but I type so fast it could be programming anyway.

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fencing last night was awesome, it's great how friendly everyone is.

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p.s. did I mention how much I love this mood? ¦D

ugh, one of my friends is pissing me off.
okay, so last year - I spent a lot of time in lectures with Jonny, John and Mark since we had a few more lectures together than I did with Keith. so we'd end up sitting around and eating lunch too. and I know they can be kind of bitchy. but to be honest, they're like that with everyone. but they don't like Keith so much.
towards the end of the year, we started talking to a couple of other guys - Mel and Paul - who are okay, even if Paul is a little creepy.
and now this year - I have one lecture with Keith, Mel and Paul, who have more lectures together that I don't have. I wouldn't mind if it didn't coincide with Keith start acting like a bitch. leaving bitchy anonymous comments on facebook calling me 'a wannabe emo' [there are so many levels of wtf to that]. clearing rubbish off a table and someone says 'oh. just chuck it all over there.' and he says 'and her too?'

maybe I'm being oversensitive.

the emo thing. I don't know. it's the wannabe part of it. I am not ashamed to say I like what is classed by most people as emo music. [genre debate another day plz.] I kind of like some of the emo fashions, but not necessarily on myself. the whole androgynous scene kid thing - yeah, I think that's kind of fucking cool, to be honest. I kind of wish I could get away with it. I call myself the happiest emo. it's a joke. I don't mind people saying I'm an emo.
but, like I said, it's the wannabe thing that gets me. the implication that I'm a failure at being an emo.

[waw waw wa~w]

[appropriate icon? keywords: hate is a strong word but- i really really really don't like you.]

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in other news, worlds are interconnected, fencing is made of misheard phrases and I am permanently about ten minutes behind everyone else.
I've had my first two labs of the year, and they went okay. even if one of them I had someone who did the course last year helping me. ahaha.

( lyric meme! )

oh my god, certain band that appears on her the most, please stop shuffling your live tracks. seriously. they keep playing.

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our first problem based learning exercise is to do with making children's toys. so we start talking about the design options and one of the team points out we should market it at adults, because then we could make it more expensive. totally not what the answer is I feel, but I like it.

NanimeW in a bit~ I'm just procrastinating on getting ready.

I kind of love this icon.
also, I love you guys. ♥ I can't say music saved my life, but you guys have definitely made it far better.

I was having a pretty awful morning - overslept a little, then lost my keys so I ended up being a bit late for my lecture. I wasn't the latest though, aha. was feeling really tired, so I actually made a point of grabbing some food before the next lecture, which actually, is incredibly geekily cool. we, um, are basically learning about computers, and how they are made.

basically, I study electronic engineering. I'm a third year now, so it means we have a project that is worth a quarter of our year. because of the stream I'm on [more chip/programming orientated], all but like, one of my project choices were programming. I got the non programming one. also, since my department is weird, I'm one of three with the same project title. and only one of us can do it, the others have to submit a modified version of the title.
basically, I have to demonstrate a law of electromagnetics. or make something to demonstrate it to 1st years. I went along to my supervisor to discuss my project, and since apparently I was the first one to go along, and actually said I'd picked that one since I enjoyed that part of the course more, I got first dibs at the actual project title.
little things like this make me feel a lot better. I kind of majorly messed up last year. my supervisor told me he was on the exam board last year, and there was a case that sounded really really like mine - some high modules, one really low one. a special case, he said. he didn't say whether they let them through or not, just that there was this case. [I checked after if I was definately still okay. it;s the second time this term I've asked.]
so, um, don't be surprised if I'm spazzing out about my course. I mean, more than normal. I'm gonna do it right this time, you know. both quaaaack and xia_hime have mentioned about taking hiatuses [what is the plural anyway], and to be honest, I'm going to try and do it as well. I have to learn to work properly eventually.


this song is also made of crack and love. when they played it at Reading, I was 'wait, they're not- they can't be- oh yeah, they ARE.'

note to self - fixing sore throat with coca-cola does not work. it will never work. stop trying.

however, strawberries are awesome.

...do you know what else is awesome? Straylight Run.
oh man. asddkjjj.
the best things about small gig venues are:
- so easy to get to the front. for Zolof the Rock & Roll Destroyer and Strayligh Run, I was one person away from the front, pretty much in front of where John Nolan was standing.
- also easy to take photos! seriously. for mychem, I would never consider taking my camera, cause it would be too hard to get decent photos.
- occasionally see band members wandering through the crowd. standing and watching in the crowd.
- ...the bands man the merch table themselves.
I got autographs and photos from Zolof, autographs from all of Straylight Run and photos with 3 of them. I look like a total spaz but hey. it's a follow on from the Panic photo. I'll post those up later, maybe.

the actual bands! Zolof the Rock & Roll Destroyer - happy electropoppy stuff.very catchy, very upbeat. best song title: 'argh! I'm a pirate!'
Straylight Run - the only thing I'm really disappointed about was that they didn't play Your Name Here. otherwise - oh man, awesome. there was a fair bit of switching on stage between Michelle and John with the two guitars and keyboards. oh man. awesome. I unfortunately didn't get any videos, wish I had.
Motion City Soundtrack - they seemed okay. ahaha. the band it was actually about. the singer was pretty good at putting on a show, very talky, very funny.

The whole atmosphere seemed pretty cool as well. there was a guy at the front who was totally hyped for Zolof who I ended up talking to for a bit when we were hanging around the merch table. a few people were actually talking a fair bit to the bands, but I am, as previously noted, incredibly shy.
but, oh man.

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went fencing today, which helped me cheer up. even if I suck at it. although, oh god. there's a guy who looks rather like Chase from House. I laughed. but anyway, it was good, because we were all beginners. and doing footwork games. like, habing to do the opposite of what one of the guys was telling us. 'one step forward' = 'two steps back'. I kind of suck at footwork though. any tips, teegs? XD

I mean, I still feel really guilty about not wanting to ride all that much. I have to work on this guilt thing. but I'm going to go along on thursday and say that I'm interested, but not until January.

in other news, I finally made it into a lecture. go me.

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so I'm sitting here, listening to hyper music, and wondering why when I meet someone called John, I automatically check whether or not it has a h.

dear god, I cannot work out how to pay my fees. =_= or pay for my internets. but! should have internet in my room soon, so I'll stop posting these really quick entries.

I'm watching a lot of House at the moment, and it's actually really good. plus, I'm developing a theory that my favourite characters are always the pretty boys. [plus, I'm sure I used think Jesse Spencer was cute way back in the day.]

saw people at the weekend, and proved I have ridicolous luck with gachapon and pokemon cards. however, none of those were for me. I also brought hideously cute tshirts. there were also lulz.

there's interesting fic being posted all over the place, but I might go look at freshers fair, since the freshers are taking over the computer lab. plus, I meet pina in an hour, and go to annoy sophie at the stall too.

♥


...I played stepmania last night. weird.

oh my god, I'm so fucking bored. yeah, I'm totally emofacing.

random points - when the lift gets to my floor, it tells me we're at the second basement. what.
- been watching many things. Lucky Number Slevin, Run Fatboy Run, Shaun of the Dead, and half of a Hornblower episode before I fell asleep on Katie's sofa. [in my defence, this was about 4am.] and also, Beck. because it's the only anime I have.
- uni seems to be okay. as in, like, 4 year course. no resits. huh.
- I've left my library cards at home. oops. no books for me.
- I'm stealing the unis internet. but I'm bored. :[
- seriously. BORED.
- I keep having moments of random nostalgia. since I have my old computer with me, I keep digging around my old files. like, old photos I took. me with my shitty blue hair. [oh god, the colour looked awful half faded.] I'm half temptd to put photos up to show how little I've changed.

in a bit, I'm gonna go buy some caffiene, and maybe go and clean my room. or go sleep.

eta: dear god, pictures of walls is the best website ever for cheering myself up.

this is a post of memes. I'm working on my post-Reading post.

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( lyric meme, you know the drill. )

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DIRECTIONS: Leave me a comment saying anything random, like your favorite lyric to your current favorite song. Or your favorite kind of sandwich. Something random. Whatever you like. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better. Update your LJ with the answers to the questions. Include this explanation. When others comment asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions.

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interview from kazz_chan:
1. Cake or Candy!?
Candy. makes me hyperer.

2. What is your favourite song and why?
right now, Brand New - Sowing Season. it starts off quite slow, but halfway through, the guitars really kick in, and it's kind of electrifying. plus. it was fantastic live.

3. What anime makes you want to rip your eyes out/ears off when you watch it?
hmmm. yu-gi-oh. aha.

4. Is there something you secretly fangirl/obsess over?
...bandslash isn't that secret. but that's the main thing I fangirl over nowadays.

5. Is there a talent you wish you had and why?
I would like to be super flexible. and not because it sounds kinky. I don't know, it would just be cool. I could never do cartwheels or handstands as a kid. [I still can't.]

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interview from hiccu_pop:
1. What do you love about music?
I'm going to be incredibly geeky and use a lyric to answer this. 'I could write it better than you ever felt it.'

2. If you could master any skill, what would it be?
playing an instrument. or ddr.

3. Whats your favourite thing about anime conventions?
friends! dancing with glowsticks and taking cracked out photos.

4. If you could tell me anything, what would it be?
THAT I HATE YOUR FACE. oh god, come on, tell me you didn't see that coming.

5. If you got married, where would you do it?
maybe my nan's church. it's where I was christened. but somewhere pretty.

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interview from tenatzen:
1. Who's your least favourite person to be around?
if I don't like being around them, I try not to be around them. but, my brother.

2. If you had infinite money, what would you do?
Buy a new computer, goes clothes shopping. Buy a sidekick. end up buying loads of gadgets. buy all those tshirts I keep finding online. buy a new wallet.

3. Think it would change you?
I want to say no, but I know it would. I mean, I'd still try and get a job and everythinbg, but people tend to think I'm kind of spoilt as it is. :P

4. How long is Ninja Steve's left arm?
too long.

5. what's your greatest goal in life?
to be happy. or to look at my life and think 'I like who I am, what I am doing and who I am around.'

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all I hear is 'when it gets dark, in Pritchatts Park'. because um, aha, that's where my dearest Ellie lived last year.
the real line is 'in pigeon park' which amuses me even more! [pigeon park is a cemetry in the middle of the city. emos go hang there. I'm not kidding.]

I go back in just over a week. uni are... maybe fucking me around. I'm short ten credits. uni admin are awesome. ♥

also, I mentioned the guys at my mother's work would be taking a look at my pc. they did. and it is worse than it was before they looked at it. the fucker won't even turn on. I'm going into super-pester mode. I want it working, dammit. :/

i'm reeling. if this is true...

oh god, you guys have no idea how happy i'm going to be.

i still don't believe it though. but if my tutor has lied to me... blargh.

[you guys, i'm still on the masters! the freaking masters! i'm in manchester for another two years! i can live with dogmop and co next year!]

I love having ridiculous nostalgia for tv shows. right now I'm watching The West Wing which is like, political drama with [in the first few series, afiak] a fair bit of comedy. Like 'I accidentally slept with a prostitute.' 'Did you trip?' ...Um, okay, I find it kind of hilarious.
and yeah, my love for the older seasons totally isn't biased by the fact my favourite character left in season 4.

somewhere along the line, I think I lost sight of where I'm going. and just this waiting for my results makes it even worse. because with each day, I lose a little more hope that I'll be able to stay on the masters. I mean, I know I'm clever - everyone always says so, but I never quite believe it - but clever doesn't mean passing exams. ugh. next year, I'm seriously taking a hiatus from lj in January and May.
I just don't want it to be too late. I don't like talking about the uni side of my life so much - I know I'm at a good uni on a good course, I just... I just hate it when people say 'I'm sure you'll do fine' because, um, I'm not that sure. if I have messed it up, if next year is my last year... then what does that mean? next year I'm out in the real world, unless I somehow manage to blag myself a first. which I know I'm capable of, just... don't believe it.
if someone says 'you're capable of so much more' one more time, I think I might cry.

...I should probably start breaking my addiction to the internet now, huh.

I'm having a hair cut tomorrow. fucking finally. it's been too long since forever now.

[did nobody tell you, i'm just a wretch for the boys with pretty faces. but it's not like i ever claimed to be any different.]