^_^V
I found some of this kinda funny. ^^

*squeaks happily* My buspass! It has returned!
Sato: -.- Ignore her. She's insane.
Sarri: ^_^V

Well, what's happened this week... *thinks* Not much. I got a detention yesterday for tomorrow. I didn't have my work for geography. v.v I hate that lesson. I'll be in so much trouble when my parents get home.
I can't think for the life of me what happened on Monday and Tuesday. Apart from I talked to Emma on the bus last night. I haven't really spoken to her for ages. ^^ She told me what our class is doing for the dance competition... XD

This morning, we went to badminton at Wyndley. Joy. I was kinda depressed in the morning and then Katie said 'Oh, you're coming.' I almost didn't go. It took Estel and Jordan to persuade me. I almost kicked Katie. I wanted to. Estel spent the walk cheering me up. She told me about blue Smarties apparently being aphrodisiacs. Especially as Jordan had just offered me a Smartie. *blushes* I wish they wouldn't tease me. As well, I have trouble talking straight at times, so when I tried to say 'Denial is a river in Egypt', it came out as 'Denial is a rgypt in Eiver'. Estel makes me smile when I'm down.
After then, my mood seemed to just go down. By the time me and Tanya started to play a game against Jordan and Katie, I felt crap. Those three are all so much better. Katie showed off. I felt so crap. Finally I told them it was obvious I couldn't win so I shouldn't play anymore, and then went and sat on the side of the court with my head in my hands and cried. I'm so overreactive. it was a game of badminton. But then again, everything was building up. Jordan was asking me what was wrong, but I didn't tell her because the teacher came across then and she thought I was upset just because I was a bad player. It was part of it, but not all of it. So then the teacher told me how to play better for a bit, and then told me to play against someone else. It was obvious they didn't want to play against me, but it wasn't for long.
On the way up to school, me and Estel sang Buffy songs. XD XD
French, I had more trouble with words. 'Dynamique'. Or something like that. Gr. Hate words. I get to go to the other group's speaking practice. I'm not going on my own, dammit. And I asked, like I've been told to since parent's evening, to have my speaking earlier than I'm meant to. Because I get stressed out and shit.
Kirsty had her giant Piglet toy. XD So kawaii! *squees* I was looking at it at the start of the lesson, and told her 'Wow, even though I bought part of that, I haven't seen it before...' *sweatdrops*
In IT, we found Kirsty had then had her Piglet confiscated my the headteacher. x_X I did work. ^______^ No, that just wasn't because I couldn't check my e-mail during the lesson. -.-;; Of course not. But work I did, even though I realised I need to rebuild my switchboard again. Geh.
At lunch, I spent most of it in my form room, but since I wasn't obviously very depressed then, nobody came after me. *shrugs* Apparently the cartoon character they thought I was most like was Mona the Vampire. -.-;;;;;;; The ones I really wanted were all Japanese anime people. Eh. Some of the other choices are great. Our form tutor's apparently Splinter from the Turtles. *shrugs again* Emma, Rhi and the twins helped me smile as well. They were asking me if everything was okay, and then said Katie wasn't worth getting upset over. *smiles*
In history, I talked to Katherine. We both agreed that the geography teacher was moody yesterday and the history teacher can't control the class. I'd already done this lessons work as well. ^^;; Heh.
Biology was kinda boring. Rush through work, byebye! Holly asked how I was and I said I was going to kill the next person who spoke to me. Her reply was 'Oh really?' Xd Silly child.



*smiles* This has made me feel better. Me and Tegan have just had a really long conversation. I do miss her as a friend. Each person is different, and brings a different thing to a friendship. I told her we have to go somewhere in the summer holidays. I'm saving that IM now.
Or at least I would have if Word had been working. -.-
I can honestly say I hated her last year. But I dont't know, I feel as if I can forgive her. Like I have forgiven her.



I put this behing the cut so people can ignore my whining.


Thinking about it while talking to Tegan helped me think about some things rationally. As well as talking to Bex and Kirsty at various points recently.

I'm angry at Katie. She acts like she knows it all. It seems like everything she is good at, she has to be the best at. That annoys me. She's so damn competetive as well. In badminton, the way she was acting really annoyed and upset me. Jordan's the best player in the group we were playing in - or at least she's furthest along - and she doesn't act like that, trying to go for every shot.
But then, how can I talk, seeing how wound up I get about it?
She made it clear again she didn't want me there this morning. I didn't want to go. I'm fed up of being there when people don't want me to.

Sometimes it seems like Jordan only takes notie of when I'm upset or crying when I'm almost in hysterics. As if, it's only Julia, crying again, what does that matter?
This is how I'm seeing it.
But then again, maybe what Kirsty said is true, maybe they don't know what to say when I'm upset for fear of making it worse, but something is better than nothing.

I'm fed up of feeling like I'm wanted, as if I'm the last resort for people to talk to. I don't seem to get noticed much. Nobody really seems to say that they were looking for me, that they wanted to talk to me.
I know I have people who are willing to listen to me if I want to talk, but the people I want to tell the most don't want to listen. It takes a long time for me to be able to talk and it hurts when they seem to throw it back in my face.

I just want to be needed, to feel I am needed, to know that I'm special and that I'm not beyond home. That I'm not completely worthless.

But I am so selfish in wanting this. So selfish, so low, so worhtless, so empty.

*yawns* Sleep. Sleep would be good. As would IT coursework. But sleep comes first.

Stupid GBA emulator. If Jordan was online I could ask her what was wrong with it, but she's not. I'm not that stupid to not have looked on the website. Gr.

Yup, gonna go sleep now. The plotbunny for Laura's gift fic has returned. ^^