I am a doll. This is my whole life. To be looked at, to be there when other people want me and to fade into the background when they do not.

I am not meant to live. I am not meant to think, to feel, to laugh, to cry, to hate, to love. I do not have a life or a spirit or a soul.

But I do.

See, I am not good at being a doll. I have emotions, do I not? But I am not good at being real either. I mean too much to be a doll, and mean too little to be a real person.

I do not bleed or feel pain. Not that anybody else can see. I stare off into the distance with vacant, closed eyes. But maybe if you look close enough, can you see my soul through my eyes? Or maybe you can't, and this is all an illusion.

It doesn't matter if I get hurt, or if my face slowly chips away. I am not real, am I? Why waste emotions on something that does not really exist? It doesn't matter if I am hurt. It doesn't matter if my life is slowly slipping away and everything I know is falling through my fingers, because I'm not real, and if I'm not real, how can I have a life to lose?

But some days I can believe I'm only something less than human. That I am real and I have a place and that I am needed. But when the rain in my soul will not cease, and grey clouds cover my sun, even though it maybe nice out for everyone else, I can hardly believe I imagined I was human. Because I am not real and I do not have a place in this world, not in anybody's heart. And most of all... I am not needed. Because there is nothing special or meaningful or unique about me that would make anybody need me.

I am just a doll.


One day, all that remains of me will be a photosgrah, a snapshot, a moment frozen in time, showing what I once was.

Maybe I haven't changed and this is all a dream. Maybe I'm just imagining the tears running down my face. Maybe I am real.

Maybe I'm not.

Nope, I didn't actually just write that did I? Of course not. I'm lying, aren't I?
This is angsty, so it suits how I feel. Yay. Go me.
Inspired by the ending theme from Chobits, Ningyo Hime (Doll Princess) Not so much the song but the title.
I'm babbling aren't I? Ja.